No, wait. I've got a better one: Really Irritated Starting Pitchers.

No matter your acronym of choice, this Cubs team is showing consistent inability to produce runs. We've been moaning about this for nearly a month now, arguing that this is just a slump and they'll wake up, but the two pitiful one-run losses in Houston should be all the proof you need. This team is offensively weak. Period.

The Cubs are only competative because of their starting pitching. They've kept them in nearly every game and depending on what the offense is doing, the Cubs win or lose, or occasionally the bullpen squanders late leads. Cubs starters average 6.1 innings per start, third most in the NL, despite the fact that Lou Piniella pulls guys too early most of the time, and yet the Cubs are barely over .500. In fact, I should rephrase to say the Cubs are over .500 because of that.

Where to point the fingers? This offense is full of disappointment. It's only hope is that when Aramis Ramirez comes back that he's magically the messiah and keeps up his .364 batting average and drives in 20 in his first month back. I mentioned the RBI numbers a few days ago and now the highest batting average on the team belongs to Kosuke Fukudome at .285.

This team has and still does lack a superstar, someone like Albert Pujols, Prince Fielder, Ryan Howard, Ryan Braun, Miguel Tejada (to just name the NL Central), someone who is a constant threat. Instead, the Cubs have thrown money to all the wrong people just to "contribute." If the name Alfonso Soriano has already popped in your head, good, because that's where we start.

• Alfonso Soriano. My biggest beef is with this guy, because not only is he playing awful right now, but he's ripping the Cubs off every time he plays. He was supposed to be the triple-threat superstar and now he's batting .236, plummeting all the way from .280 (also his career average) on May 17. If he hasn't hit a home run, he hasn't driven in a run since even before that. The only good thing I can say is he's striking out less this month and his walks are going up since he's realized he can't hit a baseball if it were the size of watermelon, let alone when it's outside the zone. He's hit in nearly every game this trip, but if you watched, two of them were infield singles that were borderline errors, like yesterday. The worst part is he's injured. He hobbled all over left field yesterday and no one has yet to call Piniella out for not sitting him. He needs to heal and history has shown that unless he plays well the Cubs play poorly. Someone needs to get him on the right track.

• Milton Bradley. As I watch Raul Ibanez put up all-star numbers for the Phillies at basically the same price this off-season as Milton Bradley, I want to cry. The Cubs identified Bradley as their target and he's been everything they wrote down in the con column and nothing they wrote in the pro. Yes, he's gotten injured (twice) and gotten suspended (once) already. He was brought in as a lefty threat in the middle of the order and he's hitting .183 from that side of the plate. Absolute bust city and Hendry should be glad the Cubs are just doing well enough to let him keep his job for the time being.

• Hot starts fizzling. Ryan Theriot was the ideal contact hitter last season and again early this season hitting .320 and then Lou Piniella admitted to telling him he has power if he can pull the ball. Thanks Lou. Since his three home runs in 4 games, Theriot's average has steadily dropped and settled around the .280 area. He struck out three times yesterday and Bob Brenly pointed out his upper-cut hack at a 3-2 pitch with runners on first and third and no outs, something old Ryan would have never done. It would have loaded the bases had he laid off. Kosuke Fukudome was also hitting over .300, but if history tells us anything, that wasn't bound to last. He's hitting .172 in June, 5-for-29. He does manage to draw a walk in every start, however.

Nobody has 30 RBI still. You know what helps that? Home runs with men on base. The Cubs haven't hit a home run with men on since May 25 when Bradley hit a two-run shot against the Pirates at Wrigley. 2 weeks of games. That's a sad statistic.

Only Derrek Lee has truly gotten better. His 6 RBI account for more than 20 percent of the Cubs runs in June, but he can't carry this team. The slow improvements of Mike Fontenot and Geovany Soto will not be enough either. At some point the Cubs starters are going to struggle and the Cubs will have no answer unless hitting gets better. The only chance they have is being in a division without a dominant leader. The only thing the Cubs have to attempt to dispel the ugliness of their performance at the plate is Ramirez's absence. That's not enough. The Cubs have to start hitting like a team playing .500 baseball and if they can't do it at home against the weak American League Central, it could be a long season.